Tradition
Pst! Bridesmaids Are Not Your Personal Maids
What it means to be a bridesmaid these days has run amuck. Once upon an ancient to Victorian time, a bridesmaid’s main job was to dress like the bride as a divergence to evil demons who wished to dispel bad luck on the bride (think how Pippa Middleton diverted everyone’s attention). Nowadays, the duties of a bridesmaid are endless. It includes being a shoulder to cry on, party planner, envelope licker, penis paraphernalia collector, moral compass, yes-woman, Mother of the Bride interference runner, 24/7 on-call support, mind reader, errand girl, attention giver and wine supplier at every occasion. And to boot bridesmaids get to buy their boss multiple presents, spend hundreds to thousands of dollars on travel and buy their own work uniform that they will wear once.
Can Guests Wear White to A Wedding?
Wearing white is difficult. You gotta wear matching colored underwear or none at all. You can’t get caught in the rain, especially if you chose not to wear that underwear. As women you gotta be extra secure when your Aunt Flo is in town or when you’re eating a meatball sub. You can’t wear it after Labor Day because some snobby rich, white people in the 19th century said you can’t, but never elaborated when that rule is lifted, meaning technically you can’t wear it all year. But you can wear it if you’re part of a private tennis club, in a cult, getting baptized or a bride…
Oh ya, and most people and etiquette books will tell you it’s a huge no-no to wear white to a wedding, but is that really the case?
My Shotgun Wedding: A Beginner’s Guide
Contributing Writer: Kathryn Marie Lavin
In a dimly lit theater, spending quality time with my big brother over a box of Sour Patch Kids and the soon-to-be-classic, The Wolverine, I felt what I assumed was gas. However, as the movie closed in on its predictable ending, I felt what I can only describe as the sensation of a koi fish trapped in my bowels. As my brother and I exited the movie, I thought about running my amphibious sensation by him. Normally tossing around topics like “abdominal distress” and “public farts” would be standard with my bro, but this feeling exceeded our bodily comfort zone. I felt like I had more in common with the hero of the film, a mutant.
Feminist Fashion Fridays: The 400-Pound Wedding Dress
Image: Gail Be Designs
Can’t find “the dress?” Maybe what you need is a 400-pound wedding dress.
Gail Be from Minnesota spent over 20,000 hours using nearly one million beads (500,000 glass pearls and over 400,000 crystals) to create the ultimate wedding dress an obsessive outfit no one can realistically wear. Constructed only with beads, a 20.5-foot train and seven miles of beading wiring, the dress is fitted for a size four. The only person who might actually be physically capable of wearing and walking down the aisle is 100-lb., American Ninja Warrior finalist, Kacy Catanzaro.
As a fashionable work of art, the gown is really something to marvel at. And it’s safe to say Be sorta likes beads, considering this is what her business only does and for the likes of Lady Gaga too. It seems Be created the jeweled monstrosity out of passion (but maybe as a PR-stunt too. You win Be.), as the dress won’t be considered for the Guinness Book of World Records. As a wearable gown, we’re getting into the absurdity that is often the wedding fashion industry. However, since no one wants to be doing 400-lb. power squats on the dance floor, we most likely don’t have to worry about the later.
The only thing that is missing a beaded tuxedo to match. Get on it Be, and make sure to get into the Guinness World Records this time.
Absurd Cake Toppers
My wedding cake topper was also my “something old.” It was over 30 years old and last saw a cake at my parents’ wedding in the 70s. I spent at least an hour trying to bleach it white. Before deciding to use it, I debated between going simple with just flowers since I had been both tickled and horrified at modern cake toppers. Seriously, have you seen them lately?
Where Are All The Bridesmen and Groomswomen?
Dominique as a groomswoman next to her best friend, the groom
Ladies, if your best friend is your brother, or that awkward college guy who naively explained that Beirut is a place, not a beer game, or your male coworker who loves afternoon Hot Pockets almost just as much as you and you’re getting married to…someone else, why not put that best friend in your wedding party?
Gentlemen, if your best friend is your sister, or cousin who encouraged you to embrace your affinity for knitting infinity scarves, or your former high school prom date who danced so awkwardly to House of Pain’s Jump Around that you found a platonic, kindred spirit and you are also marrying someone else? Then you, too, should feel free to put them in your wedding party.
Solange Knowles, Caped Crusader of Avant-Garde Wedding Fashion
Contributing Writer: Sally Pillay
Feminist Fashion Friday: With a modern twist of unique elegance, Solange Knowles and longtime boyfriend Alan Ferguson married over the weekend. Pair that with a star-studded guest list including the one and only Queen B and husband, Jay-Z, and you’ve got my attention.
Counting at least six bridal outfits through the wedding weekend, Solange started at her rehearsal dinner with a v-neck, bell sleeved dress by Ellery with golden Loeffler Randall heels. This ensemble was just a mere taste of the fashion delicacies to follow!
Prior to their wedding ceremony, Solange and Alan arrived on two white bicycles. Solange donned a sexy low cut Stéphane Rolland jumpsuit with a cape. (LOVE!) The groom sported a white Lanvin suit. (Way to make an entrance!) Now the only thing that can get me more excited than a bride bucking traditional trends is a bride in a jumpsuit and a cape. Pair that with a bicycle, and I’m speechless.
Should You Have An Engagement Party?
I love parties. I love dressing up for parties. I love being the hostess with the mostess. I love playing bartender. I love mingling. And I love themed parties. So if you asked me whether or not it’s worth having an engagement party, I would clearly answer, “meh, it’s not really necessary.”
Here’s the thing – weddings are never singular events. There’s the shower, the bachelor or bachelorette party, the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, the reception and maybe there’s an after party. It’s like asking if you really need a sixth finger; I could…but it’s not necessary. Not to mention, that if you’re involved in the wedding…forget having a social life until the fiancés say. “I do.” Each event requires time, energy, money and travel. Everyone is happy to celebrate this new stage of your life, but after awhile it’s like seeing the same Broadway play for the 11th time – getting up to give a standing “O” for the umpteenth time is not going to have as much energy as it did the first.
10 Other Wedding Traditions Worth Skipping
Oh yes there’s more! In addition to the 10 The Feminist Bride has already covered, here are 10 more wedding traditions worth skipping. Don’t worry there are solutions for all of them! And yes, that’s a bride throwing a cat…and no, it’s not on this ten list. Sorry cats.
Admitting Groomsmen Have It Better Than Bridesmaids
I know that by saying I’d rather be a groomsman over a bridesmaid, it sounds like I’m confirming the old Freudian theory that feminism is nothing more than penis envy. Don’t worry Freud, this has nothing to do with penises or mommy issues. I’m merely trying to bring attention to that fact that the role and responsibility of being a bridesmaid has completely turned to the dark side. Bridesmaids used to enjoy the minimal involvement that groomsmen experience today. Nowadays the difference in the responsibilities of the two are a lot like the wage gap; both sexes enjoy the same status and title but bridesmaids are expected to do a hell of a lot more for the same job! I’m campaigning that bridesmaids and groomsmen responsibilities be on par with each other.
Is Choosing to Take Your Husband’s Surname Really Feminist?
I winced when I heard Ms. Amal Alamuddin was changing her name to Mrs. George Clooney. She became yet another example of a women choosing for her identity to be represented by a man’s after marrying. Here’s how her decision, one shared by the majority of women, is vastly more complicated than it seems.
Creating Diamond Engagement Rings From Cremated Ashes
Forget proposing with Grandma’s diamond ring, what about proposing with Grandma’s ashes as the diamond ring? Yes, you heard me right. A Swiss company called Algordanza will take the cremated remains of your beloved one and synthesize a diamond between 0.25 and 1.0 carats. Not only is a diamond forever, but now, so is Grandma or Great Uncle Ezekiel or your beloved cat Mr. Jenkins (alright, maybe not Mr. Jenkins, turns out they don’t allow pets). Gives new meaning to DIY.
The Wedding Heel Gets Footloose and Fancy-Free
One of the amazing things about living in New York City is that there’s no point in fretting about what you’re wearing or how you’re wearing it; there’s always someone else that took a much bigger fashion risk. For example, I was at an art exhibition opening at the Brooklyn Art Museum for Killer Heels. One patron was wearing a purple cape, another dressed like Colonel Sanders and someone else was wearing wire boxes for a hat. In New York City, anything goes when it comes to fashion. And so should it be as a bride, even if you’re not in New York City. For all the pomp and circumstance and Benjamins that go into dressing for the big day, why not take a leap of faith with your footwear? After all, most people won’t see your shoes underneath that long gown. And it’s a little extra fun knowing you’ve bucked the traditional white satin. Heels? Forget about them! They’re just going to come off eventually anyway as you dance into the night. Here are some awesome alternative wedding shoe ideas so your feet and your fashion can be footloose and fancy-free on your wedding day.
How to Give A Kickass Wedding Toast
Not to leave you hanging with how to give the worst wedding speech, here’s some good advice so you can give the most kickass speech ever.
- Welcome Everybody and Introduce Yourself: A well-structured speech will always have a warm introduction and introduce you so they know what relationship you have to the newlyweds.
- Give Thanks: Give thanks to the big guy in the sky, the weather, and the little people like the caterers or anyone that helped make the special day possible.
- Always Stay Positive: Luke Wilson was hilarious when he gave his disastrous speech at Will Ferrell’s wedding in Old School, but only the movies can pull off negative speeches and still be funny without offense. Positive or inspirational speeches pump up the crowd, good vibes will translate to good times at the wedding. Nobody likes a Debby Downer.
- Ignore the Jerks Who Talk During Your Speech: Nothing good comes from stopping the speech midway to call out the people with poor manners and attention spans (and there’s a good chance others will do it for you, if that’s the case thank those people and play off the moment by just smiling or giving a quick joke). Never go angry.
- Tease (Only If There’s A Compliment in There): I recently gave a speech at my best friends wedding, I teased her family how they kept on stealing the tissues I had intended for the bride but it was adorable because they were so sweetly emotional and showed how much they loved the couple (there was barely a dry eye at the ceremony). They had a good chuckle at my observation. Any teasing that’s not complimentary or positive should be scrapped.
- Keep It Short: Attention spans are short at a weddings, everyone just wants to get to the steak dinner, open bar and dance floor. If it’s too long people will just start talking over you and no one is going to feel good about that.
- Toast: Cap off your speech by asking everyone to raise his or her glasses to the newlyweds. Maybe sneak in a short blessing too.
Knocking up or knocking out baby making wedding traditions
Whether or not to invite kids to a wedding is a one decision, but the bigger decision is whether not to practice superstitious wedding traditions that try to conceive a baby. The Feminist Bride has established that there are nine wedding traditions that exist in order to get the bride pregnant, now we’re going to provide nine modernized versions of these traditions so getting knocked up is more of an open ended choice.
How to Give the Worst Wedding Speech Ever
The Bigger the Engagement Ring, The Bigger the Divorce?
Ever find yourself jelly over someone’s massive diamond engagement ring? Covet not my friend, because two dudes from Emory University did an online economic study of 3,000 married individuals (from mTurk) to see if the size of an engagement is a correlated to divorce rates. Seems it is…
Show Me the Money! Wedding Traditions without the Wage Gap
When it comes to banking on the perfect wedding no one wants to feel like what they’re doing is perpetuating wage inequality. Sadly, The Feminist Bride calculated that there are, in fact, wedding traditions that sprung directly from the wage gap and people’s historical lack of faith in women’s economic earning power. Rather than spend your time in traditions that are a bad investment, let’s financially reform them.
Wedding Traditions that Want to Get You Pregnant
Get ready, we’re gonna get briefly political and then sexy. Yes, 
you should be confused and slightly intrigued right now.
Ever wonder why some people like to argue that marriage is only “between a man and a woman?” Would you believe that the statement is not necessarily about who has a right to marry, but more of a pretext to what marriage is supposed to be for? We’re talking baby making.
Feminist Fashion Friday: Karl Lagerfeld’s Paris Runway – Feminist or Fail?
As a proud feminist, I probably naturally strut my stuff. I mean, who wouldn’t? When feminists protest it’s usually causational, like as a result of the Hobby Lobby verdict, fighting for birth control, abortion access or a fair wage. And it’s in front of government buildings or ground zero for the issue – not on the runway.
The Wage Gap in Wedding Traditions? Say It Ain’t So…
It’s hard to believe wedding traditions could be tied to something so nasty as the wage gap. That sparkly diamond is supposed to make you feel like a perfect bride under all those layers of satin and waterproof makeup. How could bringing home less than your fair share from the workplace possibly play into the happy tidings of your wedding day? Sadly, it’s totally true. (This is why we also have to write advice like How to Stay Sane While Planning A Wedding.)
Hold up: Is the Term ‘Bridesmaid’ Kind of Sexist?
Check out my article on Zooey Deschanel’s lifestyle website HelloGiggles.com! 
“Being a bridesmaid has always been a coveted spot for women. It’s right up there with the titular role of BFF. But what if I told you being called a bridesmaid was really the linguistic equivalent of frenemy? It’s hard to believe, but hear me out.”
Easy Ways To Green Your Wedding
Guest Contributor: Kate Harrison
Most brides don’t realize how wasteful the average wedding can be, but the reality is that the average wedding produces 300-500 pounds of garbage and 63 tons of CO2. When added up, the annual impact of American weddings is like 8.3 million cars driving on the road for a year! The good news is that it has never been easier to go green, and with so many great options, you no longer need to sacrifice your style, theme or budget to it. The trick is keeping an eye on the environment as you move through the planning process and making simple substitutions when possible.
Creating Social Good with Your Wedding Registry
Image: KIVA. In this Group: Saraswati, Tikeswar, Sapuri, Manorama, Ketaki, Upasi, Sumanti, Jamuna, Sumitra
Feeling like a traditional gift registry is an egregious imposition to ask for more stuff that you already have? Or an archaic gendered tradition? Suspicious that asking for money as a gift throws every etiquette book into a blazing book burning fire? Here’s an option that gives the newlyweds tremendous good karma – consider a micro finance registry. The beauty of having guests contribute to micro finance loan account is that it generously gives to those in more immediate need and then eventually the newlyweds when their the ones in need. To read more about this idea, check out The Feminist Bride article on Green Bride Guide.
The Most Comprehensive Social Media Wedding Etiquette List Imaginable
The Internet is taking over weddings. Analog Miss Manners probably never saw this technological phenomenon coming, so modern couples need new advice on how to use it properly and politely in coordination with your very classy and special day. Without understanding the speed at which information is shared means technology #fails can easily happen. Here’s some advice on how to navigate the complicated world of wedding social media.
Neil Patrick Harris ties knot with David Burtka
Everyone’s favorite onscreen child-doctor prodigy and drug-addled womanizer, Neil Patrick Harris got married over the weekend in Italy. He tied the knot with longtime boyfriend, David Burtka according to Twitter. Time.com reports they’ve been partners for 10 years and are raising twins together. How do you say pass the celebration kush in Italian?
17 Celebrities who said, “I don’t,” to the white wedding gown
Here are 17 celebrities who decided to buck the traditional white wedding down one way or another.
How to be Announced as Newlyweds
Taking your first steps as a child are a big deal, so are the ones you and your spouse take together as newlyweds. Who wouldn’t want to step off on the right foot into a lifetime of marital bliss? It’s not the actual steps one takes at the reception that matters (though knowing how to walk in high heels under layers of tulle is a feat unto itself); it’s how the Master of Ceremonies introduces the couple that makes a big difference.
An Engagement Ring’s Second Chance
The idea that diamond engagement rings are bad luck after a failed engagement or marriage is simply the product of clever jewelry marketing. (Along with the 4 C’s: Cut, Clarity, Color, Cost; two-months salary buy in and just about every other ring tradition.) Jewelers just want you to have an excuse to buy more brand new bling, but what if that didn’t have to be the case?
The Ugly Handiwork of Selfies on Bridal Confidence
Barely anyone in the world can be a hand model like George Costanza on Seinfeld or like David Duchovny on Zoolander, though I bet Melissa McCarthy has really beautiful hands – call it my handy instincts. Trying to live up to their dexterity standards is dangerous, it’s best to just love your paws as they are, but for some soon-to-be brides this is proving a little too difficult.
These are Christa’s hands before (left) and after (right) her hand rejuvenation. (Courtesy of Dr. Ariel Ostad) ABC.com
It turns out that some people might love their fiancé and their fancy-pants engagement ring, but they don’t love their hands. And instead of declaring their new engagement news immediately on social media, some soon-to-be brides are headed to the plastic surgeon first.
The Dangers of the Bridal Veil: The Tale of Jacob and Rachel
Ever wonder why the veil is lifted at the end of the wedding ceremony? It’s not just for a romantic effect. Actually there’s a lot of historical and cultural explanation to why it’s a classic ceremony custom, though I thought I’d just share one for now. The Jewish faith offers a funny tale warning against the dangers of veil wearing. Religion, sister-cousin marrying, polygamy, bartering women and deceipt aside, I find the story enjoyable. I thought I’d share a reiterated Feminist Bride version for those who enjoy good hijinks and are debating whether or not to wear a veil.
(Genesis 29:15-30): Jacob meets his cousin Rachel and is immediately smitten with Rachel’s kindness and beauty. Jacob, without the money to support a marriage, strikes a deal with Rachel’s father, Laban. Jacob will work under Laban for seven years in exchange for his daughter’s hand in marriage. But here’s the rub, Jacob failed to specify which daughter he wanted. Rachel has an older sister, Leah, who is considered homely and the lesser catch. Tradition states the older sister should marry first and Laban recognizes he’s stuck with a less-appreciated, unattractive daughter no one will want.
Seven years pass quickly for Jacob because he is so in love Rachel and it comes time for him to finally marry her. Laban throws a lavish wedding ceremony and makes sure everyone’s thirst is well quenched with drink – particularly Jacob’s. To make the marriage final it must be consummated and Laban leads his veiled daughter to the wedding chamber where Jacob is waiting. Jacob makes love to his bride, but when he awakes sober the next morning he realizes he has been tricked. He married the older sister, Leah! Since he has taken away her virginity Jacob is chained to Leah for life. Needless to say, he is furious.
Not all is lost for hoodwinked Jacob because polygamy is a common practice. Jacob demands that Laban allow Rachel to become his second wife. Laban, holding all the cards, agrees on the condition that Jacob commit to another seven years of work. Being madly in love with Rachel, Jacob can do nothing but agree. A week after marrying Leah, Jacob finally marries his real love.
So reader, the moral of the story is to beware veiled tricks! On a cultural point, this warning explains the Jewish wedding tradition of the badeken, where the groom veils the bride himself (gotta know she’s the right one). So when it comes to wearing a complete veil, make sure not to pull a Jacob!
Planning A City Slicker’s Themed Bachelorette Party
I love City Slickers (1991) with Billy Crystal; so when my engaged friend and I decided on a ranch experience for her bachelorette party I said yeehaw! Having a bachelorette party where chaps were more appropriate than ChapStick was a wonderful reprieve from the standard b-parties at bars. They still have a lot in common too, so don’t think you’ll be missing out. Still a festive b-party, we naturally wanted to ride some animals – though this time is would be of the four-legged variety.
The Most Feminist Bachelorette Party Imaginable is in Rochester, New York
From Suffragette to Bachelorette, believe it or not, but Rochester, New York is where you can have the most feminist bachelorette party imaginable. It’s true. Ranked as one of the US cities with the best quality of life, it is also home to the women’s rights movement. Any bachelorette party can be feminist because a b-party is really just about women congregating together to celebrate a sister and womanhood in general, but with so many special women’s activities and locations this is the quintessential one. Having always known of Rochester, I was overwhelmingly impressed with the city during my first visit. From its adorable Victorian era neighborhoods to the Genesee River High Falls, from the preserved architecture to the plethora of museums and the general geniality of the city and the super wealth of American history, needless to say, I have never fallen in love with a city so quickly (then I remembered how cold it gets in the winter and immediately reconsidered my moving there). It also offers a tons of adventurous fun (I covered some options) to balance out its intellectual side – i.e. the perfect place for a feminist bachelorette party. Here’s a list of cultural, feminist and generally fun activities as ideas for your next bachelorette party (you’ll need to rent a car). As a small disclosure, I haven’t done everything but I look forward to one day!
Creating a Socially Responsible Wedding
FB Movie Review: The Big Wedding
The Big Wedding (2013) – A dynamic family converges for the weekend for a fam
ily wedding. Like all typical wedding movies, hijinks ensue because no one wants to be honest about themselves or their sex life. Though to be fair to the movie, there’s a lot of scandal that you don’t see coming. As one character aptly put it – it’s like watching a telenovela. It does sport a strong cast: Diane Keaton, Robert De Niro, Susan Sarandon, Robin Williams, Amanda Seyfried, Katherin Heigl, which makes it pleasant to watch. Though without giving away too much it’s easy to guess that in The Big Wedding, the big lesson in the end is that honesty is always best. Director: Justin Zackham
Part 2: Love on Las Vegas Boulevard – Creating a Wedding Experience
Click to read first Part 1: Love on Las Vegas Boulevard – Finding Zion
Among the Bail bondsmen, pawnshops, liquor stores and Adult Video purveyors on Las Vegas Boulevard, you’ll find the two most famous wedding chapels in Las Vegas, A Little White Wedding Chapel (ALWWC) and the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel (VLVWC).
Our Obsession With Love and Labeling
It’s already several dates in. You’re way into this new person and you’re pretty sure he or she is into you. The kissing is great, the butterflies have yet to go away, you swapped embarrassing stories that both of you swore you’d never tell anyone, there’s been talk of future dates and trips and…neither of you are seeing anyone else. It’s time to have “the talk.”
We all know what “the talk” means. It’s time to put oneself out there and ask, “What are we?” Boyfriend and girlfriend? Just dating till something better comes along? Lovers? An open relationship? Sugar daddy/mama? FoBo’s? Friends with benefits? Or the dreaded ‘just friends?’
The Perils of the Pre-Wedding Party
Wedding planning is hard, which is why when it comes down to the last mile of it –
Courtesy of Garnick Moore Photographers
you just want to party. Life is hard too, which is why when you’ve finished a long workweek and are headed to a weekend wedding – you just want to party as well.
And party you shall. Unfortunately.
Weddings are a great opportunity to cut loose and reconnect with family and friends. And the excitement of it all can culminate the day before the actual wedding. I’m talking about the night-before impromptu pre-wedding party.
The rehearsal dinner is done. Nanna has gone to bed. It’s the fiancés’s last night as single people. The out-a-state guests have settled down at the hotel or local bar. And there’s a post-party in someone’s room, who has decided to forego their wedding gift of expensive whiskey to the party instead.
Everybody has brought their A-game.
The biggest downside to this epic party event is that, if you’re like me, it’s incredibly hard to bring you’re A-game the next day to the wedding when it matters the most. Maybe it has to do with getting older and not being able to rally like one used to, but it sure is a bummer for both yourself and the newlyweds when the energy level at the main event is somewhere between hung-over and Lindsey Lohan.
So how does one manage to still be the life of the party and not a party pooper while making the most of the weekend? Here’s some strategic advice.
- Think of the weekend as a marathon, not a sprint.
- Don’t surpass the bride and groom in terms of drinks.
- Keep on requesting Whitney Houston songs because you want focus on your awesome dance moves.
- Make sure to drink water in between whatever exotic cocktail you order.
- Come prepared with whatever hangover cure works well for you.
- Eat dinner before the pre-wedding party.
- Stick to the lower alcohol drinks.
- Busy yourself with games and socializing.
- Wear your most comfortable shoes so your feet aren’t sore for the wedding.
- Don’t skimp on sleep.
Hopefully, this helps you maintain the same enthusiasm to partying and conviction to dancing to Whitney Houston songs at the wedding, as you gave to the night before. Party on my friends; party on.
Bad Bridesmaid Dresses #TBT
In honor of Throw Back Thursday, here are a selection of bridesmaid dresses which in retrospect may not have been such a good choice.
1. Cuz nothing says metallic like the 80s.
Bill Murray Crashes Bachelor Party, Offers Advice
I’ve heard of Bill Murray’s surprise exploits, like when he stole a Wendy’s french fry from a guy and subsequently told him, “Nobody’s going to believe you.” And I’m secretly hoping, that I too, bump into him somewhere wondering into a hipster party in Brooklyn.
A bachelor party of Boston College graduates in Charleston, North Carolina had such luck though. Watch it here.
Murray offered this sage advice to the groom before quickly disappearing, “If you have someone that you think is the one … take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And … when you land at JFK and you’re still in love with that person, get married.”
I couldn’t agree more with advice and I couldn’t be more jealous. I would love to have Mr. Murray (or Bill, as we’d soon be on a name to name basis) give a surprise toast for me…basically anywhere, my bachelorette party (“Whose the penis tiara modeled after?”), my wedding (“The open bar is on me!), my honeymoon (“Give it the ole college try!”), the bathroom (“Keep up the good work!”). Though I can’t help but think what female comedian would be equally awesome to give such bachelorette advice…Fey, Pohler, Barr, Handler, Choo, Crawford? If only more comedians or celebrities crashed toasts…
To Read About More Good Speeches!
TEDWomen on Women, Humor, Tradition and Change
New Yorker cartoonist, Liza Donnelly takes to the TEDWomen 2010 stage to talk about the power of humor. She shares her journey as a female cartoonist and breaking the glass ceiling in her field. (She joined the New Yorker in 1982, when she was only one of three women on staff). What’s most interesting to brides out there though, is how her humor works because it’s tied heavily to female culture and traditions.
10 Wedding Traditions Worth Skipping
If you’re looking for some real advice as to what type of wedding traditions you should skip, look no further. Other lists give fluffy advice and are usually limited to things you buy. This top 10 list gives you wedding traditions that are ripe with unfair conditions like sexism or consumerism which can either be thrown out like a garter or bouquet (#8 & #9) or modernized so it treats everyone a little bit better.
Amy Schumer: Bridal Shower Drinking Games FAIL
Amy Schumer and The Feminist Bride both have a lot to say about bridal showers! Here’s a hilarious bit on the type of ladies that love their bridal shower and all the insane and risqué games they like to play at them.
To read more about feminist bride stuff on wedding showers;
How to Give the Best Wedding Shower Gift
Beware lame bridal shower games
Party Planning: Who’s Booking The Stripper and/or Spa?
Creating A Wedding Party: The False Luxury of Many Friends
Breaking Pregnancy News – Or Not
In case you’re putting the bump before the bouquet or getting pregnant after the party, here’s a cathartic and funny video about the frustrations of finding out if you’re pregnant.
Signs of Wage Gap in Your Wedding
Did you know that the wage gap has influenced a lot of wedding traditions? When it comes to the things that anyone but the bride pays for like an engagement ring (groom), paying on a date (the guy), the honeymoon (traditionally the groom) or most the wedding (the bride’s family) it’s all a function of women’s wage gap. It stemmed from when they weren’t even allowed to have careers, which meant they had no income for life’s events. Even traditions where money is not involved like the groom asking the bride’s parent’s permission to marry, walking the bride down the aisle and carrying the bride over the threshold all stem from asset issues. As in a women’s only asset was herself and her fertile uterus, which is why those are traditions of exchange (just a different type of currency, because, again, she didn’t have the monetary type).
When thinking about the wage gap and all the debate over it this week, consider how it might affect other areas not just your direct deposit into your bank account. If you’d like to learn more about where women stand in terms of matching men’s earrings, watch the video below. Just remember next time you find yourself with a cumbersome and annoying amount of pennies – every cent counts.
Garter Go or Garter Stay?
- Ever watched a groom disappear under the layers of lace and chiffon of a bride’s dress?
He’s searching for the promise of an exciting wedding night, while guests wonder what’s really going on as his head is between the bride’s legs. With a drum roll he emerges triumphant, garter in his teeth, smiling. On such an innocent and pure occasion, the garter symbolizes the unspoken privilege of marriage – sex, sex and more sex. It’s a brazen implication in front of family, coworkers and maybe a religious official. But as guests grin and gasp in amusement or feigned horror, one has to wonder, is the garter really appropriate for a wedding?
During a medieval tradition called the bedding ceremony, the bride and groom were escorted by the groomsmen to the newlywed bedchamber. Since any piece of the bride’s garment was considered lucky with the garter as the crème de le crème, the men would subsequently scuffle with the bride to remove the garter. As a result, the bride started preemptively throwing it away. And thus the garter toss tradition was born because who doesn’t like a good ‘ole medieval groping?
Obviously, the garter is an erotic symbol, yet women throw asexual flowers. During the wedding game, brides shyly laugh and try to push the groom out of her undergarments, whereas the groom seeks the treasured garter using his sexual prowess. Imagine reversing the roles, with the bride sexually aggressive and tossing some tighty whities. Seems raunchy right? It’s a complete double standard to how men and women are allowed to treat sex, yet it’s accepted and practiced at nearly every wedding without a second thought.
Many a fair maiden has pranced around in a garter. It’s a fun, frilly piece of lace meant to be sexy and flirtatious. Other than Victoria Secret models, no one really wears them for functional reasons like holding up your pantyhose and knickers. It serves no practical purpose anymore; instead, promoting the notion that purity and virginity are present, but that the wearer has a friskier side. A perfect cat and mouse chase. Removable chastity.
There are creative possibilities to rethink the tradition more fairly and appropriately without abandoning the garter completely. Consider keeping it private and solely for the wedding night. Removing the garter can be quite the sensual act and will definitely be more fun to keep going without an audience waiting to dance the funky chicken. It could be relegated to a Jack and Jill party where guests will be close friends from the same generation who accept the sexuality of the garter removal and toss. Or for the couple who decides to keep the tradition, think about incorporating something equally sexual for the bride; say, removing her husband’s bow tie with her teeth – that would be talent – or if the couple is very bold, reverse the roles completely now that would be an evocative and witty message.
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Forget The Bouquet, Single Ladies Need to Catch a Break
Battle of the Bridesmaids
From the Golden Girls to Sex and the City, groups of women bonded by breasts, baggage and biology come together to celebrate being women. This celebratory sorority is most evident when a bride calls together the most important people in her life to be a bridesmaid. Bridesmaids gather to offer advice and support when needed, and laughter and levity when required; yet, brides’ egregious demands have formed the monster called Bridezilla. Suddenly, she treats her nearest and dearest with behavior that borders on verbal and monetary abuse, in what is mistaken as bridal entitlement.
How to Give the Best Wedding Shower Gift
Since 60% of couples live together before marriage and have all the wondrous as-seen-on-tv stuff already, I find the household giving gift stuff redundant. That’s why I give a nice gift certificate from Victoria Secret and something else sexy to the bride (cuz the groom is barely at these things, lame) with a card that reads, “Pots and pans won’t make a marriage, but good sex can.” Because it’s true and is a lot more fun to give than a butter dish. Seems Comedy Central star, Amy Schumer feels that same!
To read more about feminist bride stuff on wedding showers;
Beware lame bridal shower games
Party Planning: Who’s Booking The Stripper and/or Spa?
Creating A Wedding Party: The False Luxury of Many Friends
Not motivated to plan a wedding?
The UK’s Bachelor/Bachelorette Party: Stags and Hens
Wish Wedding Tradition Never Changed? Think Again
Struggling with planning a wedding? Being a bride today is not nearly as bad as it was 60 years ago! Jezebel offers some sobering and interesting insights into what weddings and wifedom were like back in the 1950s. The article explores Modern Brides‘ advice to young brides like on selecting an intelligent or a not so intelligent mate,
“The average man marries a woman who is slightly less intelligent than he is. That’s why many brilliant women never marry. They do not come in contact with sufficiently brilliant men, or fail to disguise their brilliance in order to win a man of somewhat less intelligence. College males tell us that they want a girl for a wife who is intelligent but makes them feel they are still more intelligent!”
If you find yourself agreeing with this antiquity mindset, you might want to loosen that equally outdated girdle you’re wearing. The next time you hear someone talking about how wedding and marriage tradition should be firmly adhered to and never changed to accommodate modern women and same-sex couples, just send them directly to the article to read more horrific advice. And if you’re still convinced there’s a nugget of good advice in there, here’s this hilariously offensive bit of marital insight:
“Is He an Agreeable Person—Or An ‘Individualist'”? The agreeable person tends to conform to the norms set by society. Particularly this is important in a girl. For example, she favors prohibition and opposes burlesque shows. She finds it easy to accept leadership when it is directed by ethical considerations. Not liking to be ‘different,’ she wants her marriage to meet community standards.“
Where do engagement rings come from?
Thinking about getting an engagement ring? Have you considered whether it’s really worth it? The Feminist Bride has! The stone-cold truth is that the engagement ring and all its connected traditions were invented in a boardroom by folks who wanted to make a profit on your love! Academic College Humor has some very interesting (and might I say very accurate) information on the origins of engagement rings and their real intrinsic value.
13-Year-Old Speaks on Marriage Equality at Bar Mitzvah
An Oregonian boy becomes a man, not only by having his bar mitzvah, but because he chose to take his opportunity to use his d’var Torah, a traditional speech, to speak as a proponent of gay marriage [in Oregon]. Duncan McAlpine Sennett’s words speak volumes to his maturity, his reasoning and use of historical analysis proves his intelligence and his bravery to even address such a topic within a religious setting exhibits immense leadership and kindness. And he’s only 13! Mazal Tov to David, hopefully he will inspire many other people to positively speak on behalf of others.
To learn more about marriage equality in Oregon check out: OregonUnitedforMarriage.org
For more awesome speeches related to marriage equality:
One of the Best Speeches Championing Marriage Equality
Speech! Speech! The History of the Wedding Toast
Sen. Elizabeth Warren Shares How Gov’t Shutdown Affects Women
Zach Wahls Speaking on Marriage Equality in Iowa
To read more: A 13-Year-Old Explains The Religion Behind Marriage Equality. My Head Now Hurts From Nodding Along..
Not motivated to plan a wedding?
A Feminist Bride reader asks: “Looking for advice for a feminist bride that doesn’t want to plan 
a wedding but her fiance wants the wedding…it’s important to him…”
An engagement is when a couple starts collaborating on the formalities that will lead them to the altar. Marriage is about knowing when it’s more important to support the team and when it’s okay to indulged in (and support the other’s) personal preferences. It is going to the comic book convention when you’d rather have a root canal; but there are trade offs in marriage like when you want to go see a double feature of Nicholas Sparks movies. While planning might be a drag, the engagement period helps work out those teamwork skills. Treat marriage like a sport, if you want to play in the big game – you gotta show up to the practices.
Hillary Defender of Reproductive Rights and Family Planning
Strong. Confident. And accurately informed. Hillary 2016. Need The Feminist Bride say more?
Gloria Steinem Receives US’s Highest Civilian Honor
On November 20, 2013, President Obama awarded Ms. Gloria Steinem the highest award any non-military US citizen can receive, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. First, I want to congratulate Ms. Steinem, but I also want to say – what took so long?
It’s been 40 plus years since Steinem helped women break free from the kitchen, stereotypes and unfair social and civil treatment. Her tour de force started in the then men’s world of journalism and then quickly into activism where she has since resided leading the way in progressive thought as a social agent of change. There is not one woman in the US who is not better off for her efforts to make the US a much more egalitarian place. She received such high honors for her “lasting political and social change in America and abroad and, among other things, for “inspiring us all to take up the cause of reaching for a more just tomorrow,” (Obama). (If you’d like a great view into Steinem’s history and activism, Lizzie Crocker has a wonderful piece in The Daily Beast.)
While Steinem saw the award as “…a medal for the entire women’s movement,” hopefully she can take a moment to bask in the glory. Though I doubt it will be long, Steinem recognizes that there’s still more work to do. But for the moment, from women around the US and here at The Feminist Bride, a heartfelt thank you and congrats.
Other female 2013 Presidential Medial of Freedom Recipients Include: Sally Ride, Oprah Winfrey, Loretta Lynn and Patricia Wald. However, only five out of the sixteen recipients were female or 31%.
FB TV Review: My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding
My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding (TV – 2012) – Child brides, High School drop outs, first cousin incest, virgin brides, extreme consumerism, fashion nightmares, arranged marriages – TLC reveals that all of this is happening in America’s backyard. TLC dives into yet another cultural minority’s hidden and secret world, this time with Romanichal Gypsies. Given TLC’s penchant for supporting the Wedding Industrial Complex with their other wedding shows, one might expect this to be in line with the rest (and seems to be racing to become the next Jersey Shore). It does manage to raise the occasional eye on the double standards between the sexes. Girls are restricted to the home, married off at 16 (ish), and are only expected to become mothers and housewives; the men are the breadwinners. Girls on their wedding day must be virgins (many have not even kissed a boy, let alone know their groom well) or else are labeled unfit to be someone’s wife. (It even shared the story of a same-sex wedding, a big taboo in Romanical culture and TLC.)
And the show is not shy about highlighting the tawdry fashion of the community. It often relies on the fashion designer, Sondra Celli to explain the bride’s culture and fashion choices. While the massive, plantation-style wedding gowns run upwards of $10,000 and run amuck with Swarovski Crystals, the day-to-day dress of a Romney is very provactive. Why the Romani lifestyle is quite anti-feminist, they do have feminist fashion leanings. The women in the show often struggle with being called sluts by “gorgers” (non-travellers) for their attire and seductive dancing given that a Romani woman’s innocence is extremely protected and cherished by her family and community. They struggle constantly with discrimination and judgment being placed on them by outsiders, period. Though the show heros even admit part of the sexy outfits is to attract a mate…
The heros of the show describe their culture as extremely family driven, they carry a strong pride within it and are firmly dedicated to keeping the community alive through new generations and upholding traditions – no matter how outlandish they are. My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding is an odd mash up of respectable values, trashy TV, feminist and anti-feminist rhetoric, media exploitation, big personalities and lots and lots of tulle. It’s sort of a train wreck; and it’s impossible to look away.
FB Movie Review: Cheerful Weather for the Wedding
Cheerful Weather for the Wedding (2012) – A rather dry and witty period film set in England visits an anxious and inebriated bride on her wedding day. Downstairs as crotchety guests get ready for the wedding, her lost and uninvited lover arrives with hidden motives. As the bride deliberates on her impending nuptials, remembrances of the last summer return to when the two fell in love. Despite the conflict between two loves – the groom and her lover, there’s a twist to the story that’s hard to see coming – proving that love may not always be what a bride needs to say, ‘I do.” Side note: keep an eye out for the incorrigible boy and his bag full of surprises! Director: Donald Rice (Subjects: Love, Bride, Wedding, Decision Making)
Wedding Cake: Feeding Time in Other Faiths
There are many non-Western cultures and faiths that practice magnanimous food sharing. In the Jewish faither, there’s the ‘Yihud’ that provides a secluded moment for the newlyweds to feed each other their first meal as a married couple. And during the ‘kiddushin’ (betrothal ceremony) the bride and groom share wine during a blessing.
Wedding Cake Costs A Lot of Dough!
The cost of the wedding cake can be anywhere from a few dollars to $15 a slice; making it, depending on your number of guests, almost as costly as hiring a really bad DJ. While it’s a scrumptious tradition and a beautiful, artistic creation, the cost-benefit of the cake is outrageously high. Couples pay for a cake that costs nearly as much as one roundtrip honeymoon flight, lasts fifteen minutes, has enough sexual context to make a priest blush and always has leftovers that get thrown out – so is it really worth it? I can’t answer that for you, but from sexy tradition to sexy fact, I can only try to put it into a not-so sexy perspective for you.
Not everyone is ready to cut the cake. Budget constraints or taste buds might deter a couple from offering a wedding cake. Candy, chocolate or ice cream bars are fun alternatives. If newlyweds want to dangle gummy worms in front of mouths or twist open Oreos together instead – go for it. But let’s be honest, when it comes to a couple tasting and feeding each other wedding cake, none of us will ever come to being as sexy as Mickey Rourke and Kim Bassinger in 9 ½ Weeks so don’t even try (and yes, Mickey Rourke used to look like that). At least we can all agree nothing feels better than corn syrup euphoria.
For more related articles:
The Wedding Cake: Go Big or Go Home
Victorian’s started the whole big cake, compensating-for-something-else competition. The larger the cake: the greater the wealth and affluence supposedly. Queen Victoria’s cake measured three yards in circumference, Elvis’s had six tiers, and in 1971, Richard Nixon’s daughter had a 350 lb., 7 ft. high White House wedding cake. The world’s largest wedding cake, according to The Guinness World Record Association, weighed 15,032lb on February 8, 2004 and was made by Mohegan Sun Casino, CT chefs. But that doesn’t trump the life-sized cake that a TLC Texas Bridezilla had made in the image herself (just of herself). Does that count as cannibalism?