Feminist
2018 Summer Reading List from Helen R. Little
WOO HOO! The book, The Adventures and Discoveries of a Feminist Bride was recommended on the BelaKharma.com 2018 Summer Reading List by the podcast host of The Public Library Podcast, Helen R. Little! The book is among so many other amazing authors, we’re swooning over here. So before you head out to the beach or the hammock in your backyard, pick up The Feminist Bride book and another (or all of them) from this list.
Wedding Dresses That Make The World A Better Place
What if finding the perfect wedding dress had a lot more to do with how it impacted the world than it did in just making someone feel and look like a bride? The Feminist Bride aims to help fiancés bring more meaning to their wedding through better social practices, so when I met founder, Marcie Muehlke at (un)convention Brooklyn last fall I had to share what amazing things her wedding dress company, Celia Grace was doing. Celia Grace is a women-led wedding dress company that helps impoverished women abroad (fair trade) and brings handmade, environmentally friendly and sustainable gowns to the wedding industry. If brides want to really wow guests on their wedding day, a Celia Grace dress adds an extra layer of eco-feminist thoughtfulness, empowerment and compassion that is hard to come by in the wedding dress industry.
10 Tuxedos for Brides
As a kid, I refused to wear a dress. I just wanted to be comfortable but more importantly feel like myself – the “tom-boy” who’d much rather climb a tree than play with dolls. Eventually as I grew older, I acquiesced on the dress thing, even wearing a bridal gown on the big day. But I understand that there are plenty of brides (or bridesmaid or lady groomsman) out there who, like my younger self, have no desire to wear a dress on their wedding day. So I’ve gathered what I think are ten great bridal tuxedos keeping in mind that it should be something that would be too fancy for work but perfect for the red carpet, are in the affordable range (and by affordable I mean under the average cost of a wedding gown – $1,200 (TheKnot, 2013), is not only white, won’t confuse you with the waitstaff, are cut for women and feels avant-garde bridal.
Feminist Fashion Friday: Betsey Johnson’s Marriage Equality Runway
I never know what to make of Betsey Johnson. She’s kinda like your great Aunt that’s a total wild card, who curiously resembles your thirteen year old niece, who’s currently finding herself by defying convention. When it comes to fashion, she’s a great reminder of how far fashion can go and how much you don’t have to give a hoot about other people’s opinions so long as you’re happy.
Questioning Traditions on The Big Wedding Podcast
Hear ye, hear ye, give a listen to The Feminist Bride on the The Big Wedding Planning Podcast! We talk about my new book, The Adventures and Discoveries of a Feminist Bride (Black Rose Writing), sexism in weddings and how to be empowered to make your wedding more meaningful and supportive for all the people you love and well…everyone else for that matter.
Brooklyn Book Reading & Signing!
I hope you join me for a cup of cafe con leche for a fun evening of wedding mishaps, fiesty feminism, and eye-opening truths about wedding traditions!
Outside the Box “Altar Ego” (Wedding Party) Outfits
TheFeministBride.com is now a book!
Dear Feminists,
Cover Photography: Raymond Adams, http://www.raymondadams.net/
I have exciting news to share. TheFeministBride.com is now a book called The Adventures and Discoveries of a Feminist Bride! I’ve worked incredibly long and hard to write the most feminist AF wedding book. In fact, there’s no other book like it—at all. Seriously. How, in our fourth wave of feminism, has no one has bothered to call out all the inequalities and ways in which wedding culture discriminates against women, LGBTQs, people of color, children, and, gasp, even men? There isn’t one tradition that doesn’t relate to the wage gap, sex and gender discrimination, street harassment, or limit reproductive rights.
Well, I get balls-deep (literally as all wedding traditions are patriarchal in origin) into the history of each major Western wedding tradition, I analyze it from a contemporary feminist and intersectional perspective, I provide positive solutions and egalitarian options, and I weave in my own self-deprecating, wedding anecdotes because, after all, this is about weddings. They are supposed to be fun.
You’ll get freaknomics-smart as I take you through on an intellectual journey through social psychology and behavioral economics. There’s so much about linguistics in here that, I’m pretty sure, it would make Noam Chomsky cry tears of joy (well, and maybe tears of sadness too because there’s a lot of unfortunate sexism imbedded in our everyday language). You’ll laugh with me at my hilariously embarrassing stories and be glad you aren’t me. Because I’ve got the scars and broken pride proving wedding rituals and expectations have run amuck. You’ll find the strength and courage to say “hey, that’s not right” when you smell some B.S. in your wedding planning (B.S. stands for both bullshit and benevolent sexism in the book). And you’ll find the power to make wedding traditions ones where everyone is treated with respect and love.
I hope you enjoy the book and share it with anyone about to walk down the aisle or with those who want the world and our homes to be filled with love, empathy and support. I believe that the path to true equality is only possible if it’s practiced in the home and there are too many social traditions that currently prevent that. I simply want everyone’s special day to be perfect and the only way to do that is to infuse equality into all wedding practices. The book is available for preorder through Black Rose Writing. The book’s official release date is February 22, 2018 and will be widely available online, with the e-book coming out March 1st. If you have any questions, please contact Julia Davis at Riot PR.
Cheers,
Katrina
Feminist AF Bachelorette Party Costume Ideas
Take your bachelorette party to the next level with a little help from our overseas sisters, the British. Yes, with their pomp and circumstance our sisters know how to throw down both a scone and a party, especially when it comes to their hen parties. Hen parties are the equivalent of bachelorette parties in the US and they like to get all dolled up in fancy dress (that’s British for costume). Costumes are a great way to unite the party especially if there’s a common theme and antics.
Part 1: Wedding-Themed Beers
Are you a beer-loving bride or groom? If yes, then that’s a good thing because craft beer is hotter than the stripper at your bachelorette party. If you’re not a big fan of the bubbly and not so much into wine, the many styles of craft beer now available may be perfect for serving at your wedding festivities then. Even better, many new breweries offer tasting rooms and gastro pubs, which might be great for hosting your next wedding event too (If you ask me, a bachelorette party pub-crawling through some good beer bars is simply more appealing than an endless succession of vodka and Red Bulls at clubs playing music that will make one’s ears bleed.) To get you on your marital way, here is a list of eight appropriately named brews (and some by woman brewmasters!) for your nuptial imbibing.
A Love Letter for The Ages
COURTESY ROSENTHAL FAMILY
Do you love your partner so much that you’re willing to let them go…and date other people? That’s exactly what writer Amy Krouse Rosenthal did in her moving and funny NY Times article. She loved her husband so much she wrote a dating profile for him.
What Krouse Rosenthal really wrote was a love letter to her husband, sadly, on her death bed. She shows how asking and encouraging him to keep on living and loving long after she’s have gone is one of the most selfless thing a partner can do for the other. The love letter is a really good reminder of what selfless love is and the power of a written letter to capture the heart’s true feelings. While Krouse Rosenthal praised what an amazing catch her husband is with heartfelt examples, he might have been just as lucky to find someone who loved him so much she wanted nothing more than to see him happy…
“If you’re looking for a dreamy, let’s-go-for-it travel companion, Jason is your man. He also has an affinity for tiny things: taster spoons, little jars, a mini-sculpture of a couple sitting on a bench, which he presented to me as a reminder of how our family began.”
Amy Krouse Rosenthal passed away on March 13, 2017. You can read her obituary here.
Wedding Show Casting Call
A casting agent reached out to me to share this casting call. While it sounds like double the wedding industrial complex to me, ya’ll are adults that can make the decision on your own (maybe your episode is all about double rejection the wedding industrial complex or showing viewers how to be a feminist bride!). So here’s the info if you, your fiance and another couple want to apply. See you in the spotlight!
23 Signs You’re A Feminist Groom
Image: Getty
For a wedding to be about equality, it’s not enough to just be a feminist bride. Your fiancé needs to be on board too! (Equality is harder to achieve if it’s one-sided.) So for those grooms out there wondering how they can help truly be their partner’s equal in life and down the aisle, here are 23 signs of a feminist groom.
(Disclosure note: It’s unclear if self-proclaimed feminist, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is a feminist groom, we can only hope…and dream)
Kiss Cam Ad Shows “Love is Love”
Part of the #LoveHasNoLabels campaign, the Ad Council and NFL teamed up to show real and diverse couples on the Kiss Cam.
How She Proposed to Him: Love Actually in Action
Image Courtesy of Youtube
The woman-led proposal is as rare as a unicorn, but no less magical. Restrictive gender norms dictate that it’s the “man’s job to propose,” to which The Feminist Bride says poppycock patriarch-cock!
Wedding Crashes Women’s March
The Complete Wedding Survival Checklist
A feminist bride asked for a wedding “survival kit” list to prepare for her upcoming nuptials. Assuming that this lady has packed for a trip before, I assumed she’d know to pack a toothbrush so her ceremony kiss would be minty fresh. But then I had a change of heart, when your heart is racing on the big day and your mind is overloaded, anything can happen and forgetfulness can ensue. Here’s the ultimate wedding to-do and to-bring list for everyone going to a wedding:
Should You Change Your Name?
The Feminist Bride returns as a guest on the Bridechilla Podcast to discuss the wedding tradition of name change (Ep #226). Host Aleisha McCormack asks (and I answer) why do women change their name? Should they? What other options are there? How come men don’t? There’s a whole lot to consider than just your personal motivations – seriously, they might shock you. If you’re a feminist bride (or groom) grappling with whether or not this tradition is for you, I highly recommend you give it a listen (which you can do on iTunes, Android or by downloading the bridechilla app!
And if you missed The Feminist Bride’s first guest spot on the podcast, check out Episode 169, where I discuss the traditions in most need of feminism and the obsolete and sexist symbolism imbedded in them.
The Purpose of Ring Bearers and Flower Girls
Wedding Invitation Name Etiquette
I adore the New York Times and I love me a good party, but even more so I am pedantic about honoring people’s surnames. So I was particularly dismayed when Phillip Galanes answered in a NYT’s Social Q’s column to a C. Z., San Francisco that they should by no means be concerned about their spouses poor invitation etiquette, “Your neighbors will be far happier to be invited than distraught by Hubby’s inability to spell Frances. (Or is it Francis?)” Galanes idea of invitation etiquette is probably the worst advice two people planning a wedding and writing their invitations could possibly follow. Galanes probably has no clue what problems he is contributing to in his response.
Don’t Fear Taking the Plunge (Video)
Many fear taking the plunge. They wonder what if he or she is not the one or if they can afford to get married or worry that if Brangelina can’t make it than who can? Four seniors from The School of Visual Arts literally dive into these questions and fears with their senior thesis film, Taking The Plunge.
Eco-Friendly Engagement And Wedding Ring Ideas
An engagement ring and wedding band carries priceless memories and meaning, but producing it comes with a high cost (not including what you pay for it). The negative impact precious metal and stone mining has on the environment and human rights is huge, “the mining watchdog group Earthworks estimates that a standard 18-karat wedding band leaves behind 20 tons of ore and waste rock.” Improving how and what one consumes in relationship to the environment is important in terms of eco-feminism too as environmental issues tend to hurt women more. Here are some ring alternatives that help make your wedding more eco-conscious for the couple that’s looking for some good karma to add to their marital hope and future.
Katherine Heigl puts on another wedding dress in Jenny’s Wedding (Movie Review)
Jenny’s Wedding (2015): When I saw Katherine Heigl in yet another wedding/rom com movie, I rolled my eyes. What other type of Wedding Industrial Complex and women-are-only-valuable-if-they’re-in-a-relationship shenanigans is she getting into this time?
The Pros And Cons Of The #LoveYourSpouse Challenge (Bust.com)
Does posting a picture each day over seven days prove to yourself, your marriage and the Internet that you love your spouse? I take a look at the #LoveYourSpouse e-chain challenge that’s slowly taking over your newsfeed for Bust Magazine. Is this hashtag challenge all that it’s cracked up to be? What do you think?
Why Do Bridesmaids (aka Best Ladies) Dress Alike?
Every wonder why best ladies dress alike? It’s not because the bride has a twin fetish or because ordering someone what to wear is part of some sick and twisted mommy dearest game (though who knows, it could be…). It’s actually not for anal uniformity in photos either or team spirit. And would you believe it wasn’t originally so the bride would stand out among her entourage (though it has sorta become that)?
The dressing alike tradition goes all the way back to before the middle ages. It was thought that evil demons wanted to curse the bride with their bad juju. So her maids, nearest or dearest would actually dress like the bride in order to fool the mean spirits. This explains why it was kosher for Pippa Middleton to dress in white like her future-queen sister, Kate. And if you think about it, Pippa did indeed thwart any negative attention away from Kate; although in 2011 the evil spirits where more like the paparazzi and anyone with the Internet who thought it was okay to objectify Pippa’s derriere…
Best ladies are not the only ones who originally dressed like the bride; the flower girl mimics her outfit too. Although a flower girl’s goal is not to thwart the evil eye but it’s still equally superstitious. She is supposed to represent the bride’s future children, who would biologically-speaking physically resemble the bride, hence the matching uniform.
The fact that best ladies still dress alike harkens back to these ancient superstitions, though the efforts of the wedding industry and advertising has oppositely influenced the tradition. Now it’s about making the bride stand out, like a white bull’s-eye among a uniform sea of crimson cocktail dresses. This new age emphasis on the bride is what has created bridezillas, so one could argue that the me-me-me bride has indeed become infected by those demons or become one… Maybe there’s something to this dress-alike tradition after all.
The Power of the Penis Tiara
Originally published on In the Powder Room. Reprinted with permission.
It’s not often that penises are appropriate outerwear. They’re weather sensitive, you never know if you’re going to pull out a turtle or v-neck, and they shrink in the wash. Occasionally, they create a pearl necklace.
For bachelorettes though, the dick diadem is standard ware for one night. When asked by a bachelorette (who opted out) why brides wear them and why they attract so much attention, I thought, “What a sizable question!”
10 Ways to Donate Your Wedding Dress
Not sure what to do with your wedding dress collecting dust in your closet taking up precious square footage OR those bridesmaid dresses the bride swore you could wear again but never will? Consider donating it to one of the ten charities below. It’s important to note that, overall, donating your wedding dress will most likely come at an additional expense to you – many of the shops require dry cleaning or at least an additional monetary donation; that also doesn’t include the cost for shipping your dress to the non-profit if you don’t live in the area and some even want a self-addressed stamp envelop to send you a tax donation receipt. The upside to the extra financial burden is that your dress will eventually make someone very happy and the sale proceeds will go towards various causes, plus you’ll be practicing eco-feminism because you won’t be sending your dress to sit in a landfill.
Why is Miss Piggy Obsessed with Marriage?
Photo Courtesy: Muppets Most Wanted
The great romances of our time have always unfolded like a Greek tragedy, a Shakespearian play, a Dickinson novel or sometimes a delicious telenovela. Heloise and Abelard, Romeo and Juliet, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, Kennedy and Monroe, Sam and Diane, Ross and Rachel, Franco and Rogen, there’s a long list of would-be lovers but none are as memorable, iconic, romantically complicated and plushy as Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog.
Kermit will lament that, “it’s not easy being green;” but Miss Piggy embodies how difficult it is, loving and wanting someone – who is green. For the last 30-plus years, Miss Piggy has chased, bamboozled, coerced and sometimes karate-chopped Kermit towards marital submission. However, the slippery amphibian has continuously dodged and spurned her advances. Why after so many years of cat and mouse is marriage Miss Piggy’s pièce de résistance?
Joe Biden Marries Same-Sex Couple
If you didn’t have enough reason to get all Leslie Knope on Joe Biden, the Vice President got temporarily ordained by the District of Columbia in order to marry two White House staffers…in a same-sex wedding…at his personal house. Swoon!
Brian Mosteller, Director of Oval Office Operations married Joe Mahshie, a trip coordinator for Michelle Obama at the U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington in front of their immediate family. It’s the VAWA founder’s first wedding as an officiant, though there’s no indication as to whether he plans to marry more deserving couples after his stint as Veep (maybe he should!). In a time when a certain potential presidential candidate drives people with fear and loathing, it’s nice to know there are those politicians out there who still understand that love and support is how you lead by example. Dr. Biden put it best! 
Congrats to Mahshie and Mosteller; may your marriage be blessed by the rays of Biden’s winning smile with years of happiness and love.
The Benefits of Not Changing Your Surname After Marriage
Modern Wedding Bouquet Toss Alternatives
A bridal bouquet usually costs mucho dinero (I think I paid over $100 for mine in 2010), so it can be hard to justify tossing it away for someone else to keep when you barely had any time to bond with it. It also stops a bride from being able to dry it out and keep it for eternity in their hutch á la Miss Havisham. There’s also plenty of feminist reason to modernize the bouquet especially so it’s less of a double standard and pushy-marriage game. So if you’re on the fence about whether or not to play the game or want to update it to minimize the downsides to the traditional rules, here are ten modern wedding bouquet toss alternatives.
Why The Bouquet Toss Needs A Makeover
These days, the bridal bouquet toss is as popular as Beanie Babies. There’s a mildly fond recollection of the pastime, but no one really wants to play with them anymore. Maybe the reason why is that somehow despite the “me” generation clamoring for attention online, clamoring for a bunch of flowers in front of family and friends is just not cool? Or maybe it’s also not cool to pressure people into marriage anymore (if it ever was)? Then again, maybe it’s because the floral game is a sexual double standard compared to the erotic garter toss? Or maybe it has something to do with identifying all the single ladies in the room and playing a game that implies being single is bad and undesirable? I’m gonna go with D. All of the Above.
Modern (Feminist) Wedding Invitation Etiquette
Speech! Speech! The History of the Wedding Toast
We all love the wedding toast, mostly because it can either go amazingly awesome or terribly wrong. I don’t really have much to offer in the way of feminist words or suggestions, though recognizing both people and not just the bride or groom is important.
The history of the wedding toast comes courtesy of my spouse from a speech he gave as a best man once. In ancient times, when people were most likely at war with their neighbors, many would come to a truce by marrying the leaders’ children. At the banquet table, the bride’s father would be the first to drink from a communal wine pitcher to show his guests that it was not poisoned. My spouse, being a good best man promised to all the guests at the wedding his own self-sacrifice by sampling all the beer and liquor behind the bar for their safekeeping. Feel free to borrow this one, it went over well.
And speaking of toast, we call it a toast because wine was not always a tasty libation. To cure the spirit of its rancidness, a burnt piece of toast was placed in the pitcher to absorb some of the acidity. The host would also eat this piece after everyone had drunk from the vessel as a sign of graciousness to his guests.
But here’s a feminist toast – “ To friends and foes, it doesn’t matter who you know, feminists will unite, and always fight the good fight!”
Wedding Anniversary Gifts: Tradition Gets A Makeover
Life Magazine, photo unknown
Hey folks, remember that time you got married? I hope so because you’re required to keep on remembering – every year, FOREVER. Not remembering wedding anniversaries can lead to nights on the couch, even more-expensive-than-you’d-normally-buy jewelry or signing up for things you’d normally refuse to do with your spouse like Zumba lessons or using your naked body as a platter for an intimate Sunday football meal.
Feminist Bride Press
The Feminist Bride loves to empower a new generation of newlyweds that are looking for the perfect wedding with perfect equality. Here are some interviews, personal shout outs, and articles that have used The Feminist Bride or the book, The Adventures of a Feminist Bride as an inspirational resource.
- The Public Library Podcast, Episode 16, iHeart Radio, June 2018.
- Women Killing It Podcast, Ep 103: Being a Feminist Bride with Writer and Artist Katrina Majkut, Aug. 2018.
- 2018 Summer Reading List from Helen R. Little, BelaKharma.com, June 4, 2018.
- The Big Wedding Podcast, Episode 86: Feminism & Weddings – Questioning Traditions. May 2018.
- The Thing That Happened This Week Podcast with Ian Brodsky and Claire Manship. Episode 69. May 2018.
- La Vem a Noiva. E O Noivo? Cosmopolitan Magazine in Brazil. May 2018.
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How to Succeed at Weddings by Admitting Their Sexist Failures: Musings by Katrina Majkut. Catalyst Wedding Blog. April 2018.
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Bridechilla podcast, Episode 311. “The Adventures and Discoveries of a Feminist Bride.” March 2018.
- El Pais: É possível organizar um casamento feminista? Brazil. 2017.
- Bridal Musings: The 100+ Best Wedding Blogs For *Every* Couple. 2015.
- Roses Are Red, We All Are Blue: Activists Send ‘Love Letters’ to Speaker Ryan. Rewire Magazine Online. February 2017.
- The Feminist Bride Interview, Episode 226. Bridechilla podcast.
- The Feminist Bride Interview, Episode 169. Bridechilla podcast. May 2016.
- Pregame Magazine: Creative MVP: Katrina Majkut. September 2016.
- Bust: The Pros And Cons Of The #LoveYourSpouse Challenge by Katrina Majkut
- Elle Magazine: Why Won’t Anyone Let Me Throw Out My Wedding Dress? by Jessica Machado
- Salon Radio on City World Radio Network, International Women’s Salon. New York, NY. August 2016.
- S Moda Magazine (Spain & Brazil): ¿Es posible organizar una boda feminista? by Alexandra Lores
- Bust.com 15 Ways To Have A Feminist Wedding by Katrina Majkut
- Little India: The Bindass Bride.
- SheDoesTheCity.com: How I had a Feminist Asian American Wedding by Cindy A. Nguyen
- The Feminist Wedding Diaries: The Importance of Wedding Planning Parity by Sarah Sahagian
- Mic Media: This Is the Feminist Wedding Magazine We’ve Been Waiting For by Ellie Krupnick
- The Huffington Post: 44 Pro-LGBT Companies You Could Support This Holiday Season by James Nichols
- Racked.com: Vogue: Diamond Engagement Rings Are So Basic by Leslie Price
- Bustle.com: 9 Feminist Wedding Quotes That Celebrate Love And Equality On Your Big Day by Chelsey Grasso
- Demystifying Wedding Ritual One Cross-Stitch at a Time by Chiseche Salome Mibenge
- LadyEconomist.com: Happy Anniversary: A Rant on Marriage Name Changing
- BayAreaRelationshipCenter.com: 6 Resources For Out-Of-The-Box Brides
- Boston Magazine: Where Do Our Wedding Rituals Come From? by Margaret Burdge
14 Alternative Bridal Bouquets
Eco-feminism – it’s a thing! It’s known that environmental issues adversely affect women the most as a result of their higher exposure to poverty and lower access to healthcare and education. When it comes to living a green life, even the smallest gesture can help offset hurting the environment. Flower bouquets and arrangements can have huge carbon footprints if the flowers are out of season or shipped in from far away; not to mention, their short and expensive life can seem like a waste in the big scheme of things. When it comes to achieving the perfect wedding why not take the environment into consideration too, especially if down the road there’s a correlation to the condition of women’s equality and health? Even if you don’t think skipping one or two clipped flower bouquets will make a positive difference on the environment, there are plenty of other benefits and upsides to these bouquet alternatives. So for the feminist bride who is also an eco-feminist here are fourteen bouquet alternatives that focus on easily accessible (local), found, upcycled and recyclable bouquets that can either become a family heirloom for future brides or be easily dismantled with little negative impact on the environment.
Why You’re Going to So Many June Weddings
Is the start of your summer filled with nothing but weddings? There’s a long history 
explaining why so many fall in this month. Most of it stems from ancient Roman times and is tied to nature’s seasonal cycles. With mankind being agrarian for most of human history there are some traditions that are just harder to break, even if we get our food from Whole Foods now. Here’s a list of a few possible explanations.
The (New) Bindaas Bride: FB Interview in Little India
I was interviewed as The Feminist Bride for the magazine, Little India about brides attempting to personalize, honor but also modernize wedding traditions. Check it out to hear what Indian fiances are doing to navigate the old and the new!
The Origins of the Wedding Cake
Every wonder why wedding cake is a tradition? Here’s a fun lecture I did at Tufts University on The Origins of the Wedding Cake and in my own wedding dress to boot! The origins is just a small part in my full lecture of “The Sexy and Sexist Layers of the Wedding Cake” for the Women’s Center 2nd Annual Symposium.
8 Songs for a Father-Son Wedding Dance
Photo by Kathryn Krueger Photography
There’s simply no reason why a groom can’t dance with his dad or the man who raised him. It doesn’t have to be with just mom because some outdated dance tradition dictates that formal dancing should be with someone of the opposite sex. So in keeping with the post, 8 Songs for a Mother-Daughter Wedding Dance (which explains the selection criteria too), here are a eight potential songs to cut a rug with dad.
Finding A Natural Approach to Wedding Skincare
When Joanna Shu and I first saw The Devil Wears Prada, we agreed Anne Hathaway had it much easier than us. Our first jobs out of college were far worse, there was no free designer clothing and plenty of modern sexism to endure as two of the few women in the office. Without getting into specifics, our boss’s daily mistreatment made Meryl Streep’s character look like a sweet puppy. It’s no wonder that we forged a deep friendship as a result, and it’s definitely no wonder that both of us, almost a decade later, have set out to work for ourselves; myself as a visual artist and writer, and Shu as the founder and COO of Refresh Skin Therapy.
As The Feminist Bride, I’m always on the look out for companies that meet fiancé’s wedding needs without sucking them down the deep, dark consumerist hole that is the wedding industrial complex. I’m also interested in featuring companies that promote and support women either socially or professionally (e.g. there are way too few companies with women in leadership positions). Shu, a divorced single-mom of two and leader of this vegan skincare line, fit the bill perfectly. So I wanted to ask Ms. Shu how Refresh Skin Therapy fits into the bridal beauty industry and what sets her and her company apart from the others.
25 Signs You’re A Feminist Bride
What does it take to be a truly modern and feminist bride? I come across a lot of proud brides proclaiming to me how forward thinking they are. For example, a bride might explain how she explored all the equitable options before taking her husband’s surname…but forgot to ask him to consider taking hers. Or a bride will explain how she is going to trash the dress to stick it to the wedding industrial complex not realizing the wedding industrial complex doesn’t care because it already got her $1,500 for the designer gown.
Our Interview on the #1 Wedding Podcast, Save The Date!
Super excited to be interviewed on the #1 wedding podcast, Save The Date. It was really fun sitting down with the host, Aleisha McCormack to talk about some of the most sexist wedding traditions out there and what “bridechillas”‘ and “groomchillas” (bride/grooms who are chill) can do to make them more feminist and respectful for all. So please check out and listen to Episode 169, which by the way, is a totally appropriate number considering how much we discussed the role of sex in wedding traditions! To all the feminist brides (and grooms) out there, I hope it’s an eye opening listen and as fun for you as it was for me in recording it!
8 Songs for a Mother-Daughter Wedding Dance
Even in 2016, formal dancing still reeks of gender divides (even Dancing with the Stars has yet to feature two partners of the same sex), but modern, feminist brides should feel absolutely free to dance with the woman who raised them instead of their father or next male of kin as tradition usually dictates. There’s absolutely no reason why a bride can’t dance with her mom for the parental wedding reception dance instead (or split a song so both parents can take a turn). So here are eight song suggestions to inspire the moment you cut a rug with mom.
How to Poop in A Wedding Dress…
Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes. Will a bride take a big one on her big day? Probably. How the bear drops a deuce, thankfully, is not my problem. But if you’ve been a bridesmaid, you’ve probably had an up close encounter with a bride doing her business on the porcelain throne (which might explain why they insist on wearing tiaras sometimes). It’s because most brides select cumbersome wedding gowns, begging the question, “How do I pee in this?”
Colorado Rules to Protect LGBT Rights in Wedding Cake Case
Sweet justice has been served! The Colorado State Supreme Court ruled that a public-facing business cannot refuse service to customers on religious grounds under the state’s anti-discrimination law,. The law stops businesses from discriminating against people on the basis of race, sex, national origin, or sexual orientation.
Suffering from The Bridal Shower Blues?
Q&A with An Out-of-The-Box Wedding Planner
Fiancés put tremendous time, energy and resources into making their wedding unforgettable; but the reality is, if they are sticking to tradition, the wedding will still look like all the others. When I met Hudson Valley wedding planner and business owner, Adina Franconi of Hoopla! Events at (un)convention Brooklyn, I was happy to meet one of the few wedding industry professionals who has the hutzpah and vision to make a wedding truly one of a kind. It’s super refreshing to meet someone in the wedding world who wants to fulfill the vision and personality of the couple over sticking to tradition for the sake of tradition, so I wanted to hear more about Franconi and Hoopla! Events. 
Ben & Jerry’s: Married to Activism, Ice Cream and Civil Rights
Ben and Jerry’s founders were arrested at the U.S. capital recently protesting money in politics, this is not the first time the ice cream enthusiasts have taken political action. In 2012, the Vermont, change-the-world-one-scoop-at-a-time ice cream enthusiasts, Ben & Jerry’s is changed some of their ice cream flavors in support of gay marriage. I can count two separate instances where the company has done so, and I found one image of a personalized ice cream flavored circulating the Internet called, My Fat Greek Gay Wedding.
When Vermont allowed gay marriage they changed classic Chubby Hubby to Hubby Hubby for the month in September 2009.
Ben & Jerry’s opted for an ice cream buffet in 2010 instead of a wedding cake to celebrate when DC decided to allow same-sex couples the right to marry too. They hosted a wedding and reception for local couple Keith Spangler-Vellios and Andreas Vellios at the Georgetown Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shop.
And overseas in the UK, they are trying to encourage same-sex marriage awareness and understanding as parliament debates whether or not to legalize it with the aid of Stonewall, a gay rights organization. The activist flavor of choice in this case is Apple-y Ever After. There is also an extensive Facebook and social media campaign to help people influence government and show their support by virtually marrying each other and being able to download a letter of support to send to parliament.
In the US they are rewarding states that approve same-sex marriage with an icy, sweet treat which is wonderful, but I wonder if more campaigns like the one in the UK are more important in the long run in achieving equal marriage rights for all.
With a lot of customized ice cream flavors and monikers associated with specific causes, it is unclear via Ben & Jerry’s company reports whether buying the same-sex flavors proceeds go directly to the partnered gay organizations.
“Ben & Jerry’s has a long history of commitment to social justice, including gay rights. Its partnership with Freedom to Marry, a national leader in the movement for marriage equality, aims to raise awareness of the importance of marriage equality and to encourage other states to follow the blazing trails of Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, and Maine.”
Ben & Jerry’s Co-founder Jerry Greenfield is a sponsor of the ReligiousFreedom and Civil Marriage Equality Amendment Act of 2009.
Ben & Jerry’s has always taken corporate social responsibility to new levels and it’s great to see such a caring company dare to support a cause that could alienate other ice cream lovers. They’re putting social gain over ice cream consumption. That’s not something most companies are willing to do, even on an internal level. (In 1993, Ben & Jerry’s was one of the first US companies to offer health and employment benefits to unmarried domestic partners regardless of their sexual orientation.) Their dedication to greater social causes and progressive business philosophies is just the cherry topping we all need.
The Politics of Wedding Gown Color
Most brides would not consider anything other than a white wedding dress.; alternatives like cream, beige or winter winter doesn’t really count as breaking with tradition. While the connection between a white wedding dress and virginity is dying a slow (but rightful) death in bridal culture, there’s still plenty of people who will make making passive side remarks about the bride and her vagina like, “Looks like she decided to wear white after all.” Gone should be the days when wearing white or any other color for that matter should indicate what the bride’s sexual status is, but there’s plenty of bridal culture precedent to still work against. The politics of a white wedding dress was firmly shaped by religion, class and consumerism, though weirdly enough one of the big enforcers on such bogus color politics was poetry…which, might explain why brides stick with the white wedding dress.
There’s no “Me” in Bride
Some people use their astrological signs to describe their personality – preordained by time and chance according to the alignment of the stars. Some attribute their character based on their parents or environment; access to money or lack thereof. There are many internal and external factors that help create you, and it’s nice to think that identity, to some extent, is something we can choose. After a short lifetime of making those critical choices or being products of our genetics or childhood, when it’s time to ring the wedding bells do we still have that personal choice to choose “who am I – as a bride?”
The Feminist Bride listed in top 15 Wedding Blogs!
Not to brag, but totally to brag…YouQueen listed TheFeministBride.com as one of the top wedding blogs to follow! It’s so nice to know that there are others behind modernizing wedding traditions with a feminist twist! Thanks to YouQueen and all the feminist brides (and grooms) out there who support us everyday. YAS QUEEN!
Leap Day: The Only Day Women Can Propose…NOT!
There is a wedding tradition that states women are only allowed to propose to men on February 29th, Leap Day. That’s once for twenty-four hours every four years and that’s if she’s in a relationship that’s ready to move to the next step. Having such an opportunity is almost as rare as Donald Trump telling the truth or acting humble. The question is where does such nonsense come from?
Feminist Math Proof: Why “Ms.” is better than “Mrs.”
Can’t wait to become the new “Mrs. His Name?” Ever think about why men never change their title of “Mr.” when they get married, ever stop to consider what it means for women to only change her title?
Image: TheFeministBride.com
10 Alternatives to the Superstitious Baby-Making Wedding Cake
Wedding cake is not just dessert! It’s a tradition because cooked inside it is a lot of superstition. Those five layers of fondant are nothing more than a towering talisman trying to knock the bride up. Don’t believe me? Well, a cake is nothing more than wheat, sugar, water and eggs, which are all symbols for fertility. Cook them together, eat it and people thought it would literally put a bun in the oven. But today, despite lots of people going after Planned Parenthood in a modern day witch hunt, there are many women and couples, who don’t actually ever want to have kids. So instead of serving wedding cake and pushing a baby-making agenda they don’t want, here are 10 dessert alternatives that don’t come with the same sticky, messy symbolism(though feel free to pick one type of dessert if you’re not interested in a dessert bar).
How Gender Discrimination Is Creating a Marriage Crisis in India and China
Image Caption: The Economist Video –
Why China and India face a marriage crisis
Discrimination against women is a global crisis. There is not one place in the world where women experience complete equality. The belief that women should access education, which leads to better physical and financial health, intellectual fulfillment and professional opportunities is not evenly held across the globe either. A lot of this has to do with the idea that a women’s place is only in the home and not as an outside member of the community. This is why many individuals in certain countries have practiced sex-selected abortions or infanticide if they find out they are having a girl (and for the record, while the video below focuses on India and China, those are not the only two places where these practices exist). Boys are socially allowed to get educations and be income earners and therefore can contribute to the family unlike women, who are not given the same opportunities or social stature. This is why many cultures see men are the more valued gender.
Jilted Bride Donates Wedding to Homeless
Karen Olsen talks with twin sisters, Sarah, left, and Rebecca, along with Sarah’s daughter Sarah, 7, and Rebecca’s son, Emmanuel, 9, as they thank her for the evening donated to Mary’s Place families at Sodo Park on Saturday. (Lindsey Wasson / The Seattle Times)
If you were left at the altar or left before you could walk down it, would you have the clarity to turn a wedding fiasco into a triumph of humanity? Dana Olsen put aside her broken heart and decided, with the help of her family, to donate her would-be-wedding to the homeless families of Seattle’s Mary’s Place emergency shelter. Guests from Mary’s Place were treated to hairdo’s and donated formal wear to wear to their special formal dinner before they arrived to the upscale Sodo Park venue. They enjoyed a catered meal and danced the night away to a live band.
Chelsea Handler Does Marriage on Netflix
Image: Netflix
In Netflix’s new docuseries, Chelsea Does, comedian and former talk-show host, Chelsea Handler does marriage in the first episode. The only problem is that Chelsea can’t find anyone to do her until death do they part. Absent groom aside, she’s not sold on the idea of a wedding and sets off to discover what the big deal is about weddings and being married.
Shonda Rhimes and Admitting: “I Don’t Want to Get Married.”
I’m not sure there’s anyone in the world who could sit down with Oprah Winfrey and not suddenly start pouring their heart out to her. I’d be like Chunk in The Goonies who wildly confesses to everything and anything the moment Oprah said, “Hello, how are you?” No mortal has a fighting chance against Oprah and a couch. So when TV Queen/Feminist/Writer/Producer/Future President, Shonda Rhimes sat down with her, I thought, as a fellow immortal, she stood a fighting chance. Turns out even feminist immortals bare their soul to the Big O, and I’m glad she did.
Ms. Rhimes revealed “I don’t want to get married…at all.” Both single gals confided and revealed to each other how complicated such a personal belief is received in a social context, “There’s a huge amount of pressure…you’re suppose to want to [get married] and if you don’t want it – what’s wrong with you?” This is an important element that everyone, even here at The Feminist Bride, must consider. What’s powerful of Rhimes’ revelation is that she gave herself time and permission to explore whether or not marriage was right for her, which gave her the strength and confidence to say, “I don’t want to get married.” And quit frankly, how much do any of us give ourselves the time, permission and freedom to block out social convention and pressure to figure out what we truly want? For all the peer, media, religious and environmental pressure placed on women to get married, there needs to be an open and accepting dialogue that tells women – you don’t have to get married if you don’t want to and that is perfectly acceptable. As friends and family of those people, it’s important such stances are met with support and not doubt too. Rhimes goes onto further share that just because marriage isn’t on the table that does not mean meaningful or long-term relationships aren’t. I know not everyone can sit down with Oprah and get to the bottom of their psyche or desires, but perhaps if we all pretended to bare our souls to the Big O we’d learn just a little more about want we want and be a little happier for it.
Image Courtesy of OWN/Super Soul Sunday TV